THE FUCKED UP DREAMS OF YOHAN AND HIS YELLOW JALOPY


        EPISODE ONE


        Yohan falls asleep and begins dreaming......


        In his dream he wakes up & immediately wants to go for a drive in his jalopy, needing to get something.. somewhere. He jumps in, head first, through the hole where the windshield isnt. He spins the combination lock ignition (3, 13, 37) and it coughs & sputters to life. He adjusts his footstool seat, slaps on his goggles and starts down the road.


        He cant seem to get it over 30 mph, so he fucks with the turbine output pressure valve. Rusty yellow body panels flapping from the turbulence of 230 mph, his goggles become part of his face & his mustache rips from his face. At nearly 4 miles/ min. the landscape blurs by, sending him toward the hills.


        The first hill the turbine-powered yellow jalopy encounters sends Yohan air-born. At this point the nearly torn off body panels protrude from the jalopy like wings, keeping Yohan in flight & veering from the road. He grabs his "IN CASE OF FLIGHT" emergency kit & straps it to his back. He jumps from his "Beloved Yeller" & pulls the rip cord. As his chute opens, one of the "wings" breaks off & the car dives, picks up speed & creates a sonic boom just before it slams into the ground. Yohan carefully avoids the mushroom cloud as he descends toward an old farm house.


        Once on the ground, he notices that the house seems abandoned. He steps onto the porch, opens the door, steps inside to take a look. He only gets a glimpse of the cob-webbed interior before it changes into a parallel world. The old farm house is nowhere in sight. He is now standing in the middle of an orchard. This is no ordinary orchard, as the trees are thick with an unusual foliage: money!


        Yohans eyes get wide with disbelief & excitement. Yohan quickly grabs as much money as he can possibly take. Stiff-legged & stiff-armed with cash stuffed down his pant-legs & shirt sleeves, he starts to look for a way back home. He walks for hours it seems before he finds that old farm house off in the distance. By this time, Yohan is tired from walking with the extra weight of all the money.


        As he nears the farm house, he hears a dog barking & snarling from behind him. This dog looks like its hell-bent on catching Yohan, & tearing him limb from limb. Yohan knows he cant run with all that money stuffed in his clothes, so he strips, leaving it ALL behind.


        Naked as a jay-bird, he runs for the house as fast as he can. He makes it to the porch & tries the door, but it wont budge. Hell-hound closing fast, he spies an open window & takes it. Unfortunately, Yohan isnt quick-be-nimble enough & the dog grabs ahold of his ass.


        This is the point at which Yohan awakens. He is startled to find that he IS nude & that a dog IS clamped onto his ass. A police officer is yelling at him & his police dog. Yohan looks around as the cop restrains him. They're in a bank, standing on a pile money & his clothing. It seems as though Yohan was sleep-walking through town, somehow got inside the bank & was rolling through the cash butt naked.


        Yohan was sentenced to a two week stay at the jail, a month of community service & a three-month penis enlargement program.